This topic was placed on my heart late Monday night, and has continued to haunt me thus far. I was determined to post it, but of course I grew “busy”, and before I knew it, I was too “tired”. (Wow, we never consider the amount of things that we fail to accomplish as a result of being tired and busy… But I’ll save that for another post!)
Anyhow, friendship is a very delicate subject. For starters, some people fail to realize what a friend really is. They use the term very loosely, and pin the label on whomever they meet. This is dangerous because believe if or not, it can lead to a great deal of pain and drama. The wrong friends will lead you down a downward spiral, then dispose of you when you need them the most.
I once heard a woman say “I do not consider people to be my friends because I know that I cannot count on them. The people who I KNOW will for sure be there for me when I’m in need or trouble, are the people whom I call ‘friend’; and there are only 3 of them.” At that moment I thought “That’s pretty selfish. She only wants people who will be in her corner when she needs them.” I soon realized: THAT’S THE POINT!
I’m not saying that you should only be friends with someone because they benefit you in some way, but consider how far one is willing to go for you when you need help, love or support. Sometimes your friends see things in you that your family doesn’t. For those who don’t necessarily have family, or don’t live near their family, they have to count on their friends. In the same way that your friends are there for you, you should always be there for them. Not simply because you know they would do it for you, but because you genuinely love them, and want to give a helping hand.
I am beyond grateful for my friends. They each serve their purpose, and have seen me through various trials and tribulations. Together we have all grown and developed tremendously, and continue to do so. The love and support that we have for one another goes without saying. I know that I can trust my friends with anything, and that’s important. In addition to this, they motivate me to be the best possible person that I can be, in every aspect of my life. What makes this even better is the fact that I serve the same role within their lives as well. We can count on EACH OTHER through thick and thin.
It’s time to do an inventory check, and rid yourself of the #RandomFriends. As I mentioned in my blog post about “Dating? Say ‘No’ to #Randoms”, it is also possible for you to engage in a purposeless random friendships. Say “No” to those! Run away, as far away as you can!
A few tips to help you consider your current friends:
1) If you are a parent, and your friend is constantly trying to convince you to find a baby sitter or leave your kids behind so that you guys can go out and have fun, they are not your friend. A true friend would be supportive and accommodating of your parenthood; and would either work around your schedule, or work to include your child in the plans. Refrain from hanging out with anyone who would hinder you from being the best parent that you could be, or anyone who isn’t a good role model to your children. Remember, your home is your first ministry.
2) If they haven’t used your number in the past six months, they’re not your friend. I’m not telling you to go bash that person or anything because growing up means growing apart (sometimes), and that’s totally a fine; but for crying out loud, no matter how busy we get, we make time for what’s important. If that person hasn’t taken the time to text or call you in SIX MONTHS, not even to say Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas or Hello, they are not your friend. Granted, there’s always that one person who has a lot going on and barely has time for anything; but even THEY make time for what’s important, and will reach out every 6 months (at least), so don’t let that be an excuse.
3) If they ONLY call you when they need a favor, they’re not your friend. (I Think that’s pretty obvious).
4) If they ONLY call you when they want to go out and party, they’re not your friend. Tell them to holla at you on Sunday when it’s time to hit church; or any other day when it’s time to have movie night or do something low key. If they don’t want to, then you know the deal.
5) If you can’t trust them, they’re not your friend. Remember, if there’s no trust, there’s no relationship!)
6) If they’re constantly involving you in some type of fight/argument of drama, they’re not your friend. (And they need to grow up because drama is for those who are childish and immature. Adults know how to handle their problems.)
7) If you have to worry about what they might say behind your back, they are not your friend. This correlates directly with the lack of trust that I outlined above. And if they’re constantly talking about others, just know that there’s a big chance that when you’re not around, they might be discussing you. #AvoidGossip
8) If they are constantly putting you down or making you feel bad about yourself in any way, they’re not your friend. Your friends should always uplift you, even when providing constructive criticism.
Check your inventory. Do any of your friends correlate with anything that I outlined above? Well then, do some spring cleaning. As a house is much better without all the clutter and mess, so is your life without the clutter of random/questionable/unnecessary friends. Refrain from housing a large group of friends, just to have a large group of friends. Quality will always outweigh quantity. Birds of a feather flock together; which is why it is beyond important to choose your friends wisely, as you would do with someone that you’re dating. Friends have a major impact in the things that we do, where we go, how we dress, what we even, even how we speak and think. In addition to this, your friendships shouldn’t drain you. Anyone who is sucking the life out of you is not for you. Now, surround yourself with positive and successful people, and see the outcome for yourself. It will make a huge difference on your self esteem, and your life!
P.S: Stay tuned for a follow up on this subject matter!