Unlock Your Blessing

Food for Spirit

Life isn’t going to be all peaches and cream just because you’re a Christian. You will struggle, probably even worse than the average person because you’re going to face the temptations of your flesh and of this world. And when I say your flesh, I don’t only mean sex. It’s a fleshly desire to want to tell someone off, to want to gossip, to look down on someone, to do soooooo many things. People partake in them thinking that they’re okay because they’re not openly saying what’s on their mind, or they’re doing it amongst friends.

Everything that goes through our minds needs to be Christlike. That’s not necessarily the easiest thing when you’re living in a world filled with nonsense; BUT, it’s not impossible. Remember that garbage in equals garbage out. If you’re taking all that nonsense in, that’s what’s going to be in your mind…

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Swallowing Your Pride? STOP

There are many proverbs, philosophies, and sayings that advise you NOT to be proud; especially in the bible. “A man’s pride will bring him low, But the humble in spirit will retain honor.” (‭Proverbs‬ ‭29‬:‭23‬ NKJV). No matter what you believe, humility is honored over pride. Humility is one of the best qualities that one could ever house. No matter how successful, always remain humble. You are never too good for anything or anyone. While climbing the ladder, be careful who you step on, for you will have to face them if you fall down.

When having a disagreement with someone, try not to be too proud or boastful. Sometimes we do and say things that we do not mean. We know that we’re wrong, but we REFUSE to apologize because our pride won’t let us. This has got to be one of the worst feelings in the world! The pressure to reach out to someone, or to say “I’m sorry”, versus the pressure to stand your ground. It’s horrible. It’s even worse when you’re in this predicament regarding someone whom you love, or feel deeply for.
“I want to apologize, but my pride won’t let me.”
“I want to reach out, but my pride won’t let me.”
“I want to tell him/her how I feel, but my pride won’t let me.”

I normally would say “Swallow the pride. Pride will lead to a grudge, which may lead to resentment. The last thing you want is to miss out on an opportunity, as a result of holding on to your pride.” BUT, there are times when you need to stick with your pride and keep it pushing.

I am guilty of giving people the benefit of the doubt. I have so much love to give, and I’m always willing to talk things out with anyone, apologize, and move forward. I understand that we’re not perfect, and we make mistakes. As a result, I have swallowed my pride soooo many times, and there where many times where it has gotten me NOWHERE.

You have got to stop looking for love and happiness in the same place where you lost it. We all have that ONE person who we’re always willing to take back. We want to work it out again, see where it goes. Maybe third time’s a charm? No, stop that. If you keep swallowing your pride and going back to that same person, you’re going to keep getting hurt by that same person. And then you’ll blame yourself because you knew better; OR, you’ll start feeling guilty when it doesn’t work out, and wonder what you did wrong this time around. Let me tell you something, you did NOTHING wrong.

There is nothing wrong with you. If you’ve already changed as much as you could, compromised as much as you could, cried as much as you could, and swallowed as much pride as your belly would allow, it’s time to take the gloves off and end the boxing match. You’re fighting hard for nothing because this relationship is going nowhere, and you know this. You’re beat up, broken down, exhausted, and left with pieces of what used to be your heart. And then you’ll jump into the next relationship and either mistreat the person because you have “trust issues“, or leave them to go running back to the ex, because you suddenly realized that you needed to swallow your pride. Stop it. Enough is enough.

Bring the pride back and use it as a shield to keep you from getting hurt from that same person, or people, who obviously don’t have your best interest at heart. As I mentioned previously, there are several verses in the bible that advise against pride, but there’s also a verse which reads “Above all else, guard your heart, for it determines the course of your life” (Proverbs 4:23). You’re not guarding your heart if you’re constantly giving it all away to someone who doesn’t cherish it. “Take a lover who looks at you like you’re magic.” – Frida Kahlo. Hold onto your pride, know your worth, guard your heart, and let it go. One day, someone amazing is going to come along; and you’ll be thankful that it never worked out with anyone else. You’ll even realize that who you thought was your knight in shining armor, turned out to be an idiot in aluminum foil.

Love,

Islyndi 💜

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SPEAKING OF MASCARA: I’m a Mary Kay beauty consultant and have some AMAZING mascara available! Believe me, it will make you think twice before crying over that person, or those people, who don’t deserve your tears. Contact me at Islindym@MaryKay.com, or comment below the blog! *Bats eyelashes*

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Good Guys NEVER Finish Last

Food for Spirit

First off, read this scripture from Galatians 6:9.

I couldn’t tell you how many times I remind my students, and my nieces, to do good. I’m sure they’re tired of hearing me say: “Always do the right thing!” No matter how much it may annoy them, I refuse to stop because I know that I’M doing the right thing by instilling this principle. They may not fully understand now, but they will some day.

Sometimes it’s hard to do the right thing, especially when doing the opposite has more benefits for you; or saves you from having to face some type of conflict or confrontation. In fact, it’s almost too easy to go ahead and do what we know we shouldn’t. Maybe that’s why we often get caught up in things that eventually lead to disaster. The initial invite or opportunity is enticing, but we eventually look back and wonder…

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The ‘New’ Side Chick: I Was Her

Amazing post! I see many women (and men) in situations like this, and my heart breaks for them because I know exactly how they feel. I was once “Her”.

Miss T. N. king

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing.

I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to…

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The New Side Chick Part II: But I Can’t Leave Him…

Part Two! Maybe you aren’t “The New Side Chick”, but you’re in a relationship that has expired. Here’s something that will help you let go. Remember: The hardest part of walking away is NOT looking back.

Miss T. N. king

In my opinion, love is the greatest gift a person can give and receive. People spend a lifetime seeking, chasing, crying, and fighting for love. But what happens when that sweet love turns sour? Your sunny skies turn gray, and the one person you loved the most has given you the biggest heartache.  I want to discuss how to let go of toxic relationships and gain the strength to move forward. Since I’ve published “The ‘New’ Side Chick: I was Her”, a lot of men and women have contacted me sharing their similar experiences and have asked me how to move on from someone you love. I too have faced the same challenge, and through the grace of God, I’ve made it.

Growing up, I’ve always vowed to never give my heart away. I liked, but wouldn’t dare to love. However, all of that changed once…

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Spring Cleaning: “Friends”

This topic was placed on my heart late Monday night, and has continued to haunt me thus far. I was determined to post it, but of course I grew “busy”, and before I knew it, I was too “tired”. (Wow, we never consider the amount of things that we fail to accomplish as a result of being tired and busy… But I’ll save that for another post!)

Anyhow, friendship is a very delicate subject. For starters, some people fail to realize what a friend really is. They use the term very loosely, and pin the label on whomever they meet. This is dangerous because believe if or not, it can lead to a great deal of pain and drama. The wrong friends will lead you down a downward spiral, then dispose of you when you need them the most.

I once heard a woman say “I do not consider people to be my friends because I know that I cannot count on them. The people who I KNOW will for sure be there for me when I’m in need or trouble, are the people whom I call ‘friend’; and there are only 3 of them.” At that moment I thought “That’s pretty selfish. She only wants people who will be in her corner when she needs them.” I soon realized: THAT’S THE POINT!

I’m not saying that you should only be friends with someone because they benefit you in some way, but consider how far one is willing to go for you when you need help, love or support. Sometimes your friends see things in you that your family doesn’t. For those who don’t necessarily have family, or don’t live near their family, they have to count on their friends. In the same way that your friends are there for you, you should always be there for them. Not simply because you know they would do it for you, but because you genuinely love them, and want to give a helping hand.

I am beyond grateful for my friends. They each serve their purpose, and have seen me through various trials and tribulations. Together we have all grown and developed tremendously, and continue to do so. The love and support that we have for one another goes without saying. I know that I can trust my friends with anything, and that’s important. In addition to this, they motivate me to be the best possible person that I can be, in every aspect of my life. What makes this even better is the fact that I serve the same role within their lives as well. We can count on EACH OTHER through thick and thin.

It’s time to do an inventory check, and rid yourself of the #RandomFriends. As I mentioned in my blog post about “Dating? Say ‘No’ to #Randoms”, it is also possible for you to engage in a purposeless random friendships. Say “No” to those! Run away, as far away as you can!

A few tips to help you consider your current friends:
1) If you are a parent, and your friend is constantly trying to convince you to find a baby sitter or leave your kids behind so that you guys can go out and have fun, they are not your friend. A true friend would be supportive and accommodating of your parenthood; and would either work around your schedule, or work to include your child in the plans. Refrain from hanging out with anyone who would hinder you from being the best parent that you could be, or anyone who isn’t a good role model to your children. Remember, your home is your first ministry.
2) If they haven’t used your number in the past six months, they’re not your friend. I’m not telling you to go bash that person or anything because growing up means growing apart (sometimes), and that’s totally a fine; but for crying out loud, no matter how busy we get, we make time for what’s important. If that person hasn’t taken the time to text or call you in SIX MONTHS, not even to say Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas or Hello, they are not your friend. Granted, there’s always that one person who has a lot going on and barely has time for anything; but even THEY make time for what’s important, and will reach out every 6 months (at least), so don’t let that be an excuse.
3) If they ONLY call you when they need a favor, they’re not your friend. (I Think that’s pretty obvious).
4) If they ONLY call you when they want to go out and party, they’re not your friend. Tell them to holla at you on Sunday when it’s time to hit church; or any other day when it’s time to have movie night or do something low key. If they don’t want to, then you know the deal.
5) If you can’t trust them, they’re not your friend. Remember, if there’s no trust, there’s no relationship!)
6) If they’re constantly involving you in some type of fight/argument of drama, they’re not your friend. (And they need to grow up because drama is for those who are childish and immature. Adults know how to handle their problems.)
7) If you have to worry about what they might say behind your back, they are not your friend. This correlates directly with the lack of trust that I outlined above. And if they’re constantly talking about others, just know that there’s a big chance that when you’re not around, they might be discussing you. #AvoidGossip
8) If they are constantly putting you down or making you feel bad about yourself in any way, they’re not your friend. Your friends should always uplift you, even when providing constructive criticism.

Check your inventory. Do any of your friends correlate with anything that I outlined above? Well then, do some spring cleaning. As a house is much better without all the clutter and mess, so is your life without the clutter of random/questionable/unnecessary friends. Refrain from housing a large group of friends, just to have a large group of friends. Quality will always outweigh quantity. Birds of a feather flock together; which is why it is beyond important to choose your friends wisely, as you would do with someone that you’re dating. Friends have a major impact in the things that we do, where we go, how we dress, what we even, even how we speak and think. In addition to this, your friendships shouldn’t drain you. Anyone who is sucking the life out of you is not for you. Now, surround yourself with positive and successful people, and see the outcome for yourself. It will make a huge difference on your self esteem, and your life!

Love,

Islyndi

P.S: Stay tuned for a follow up on this subject matter!

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Dating? Say “No” to #Randoms

First thing’s first, read this blog post titled “How to Identify a RANDOM” by Heather Lindsey:

Done? Okay, let’s move on. That particular blog post isn’t new, but it’s still super relative.

I’m going to go ahead and add a #BonusRandom to that list:
If you have children, even if it’s just one, stay away from the random that has zero interest in your kids. This is the person who does everything for you, takes you out, spends it all, but doesn’t do the same for your children. In fact, when you don’t have a sitter, they don’t even bother with you. Or maybe they do, but things obviously aren’t the same. They make excuses for it, say that it’s too much to handle, or that they’re not ready. This person will end up giving you some type of ultimatum and making you feel as though you spend way too much time with your child; which is exactly what a parent is supposed to do in the first place! Your family is your first ministry, do not waste your time with someone who isn’t as passionate/loving/excited about yours, as you are. You and your child(dren) are a packaged deal, so they have to take all or nothing. PERIOD.

It’s great to keep these points in our heads as we enter the new year. We have goals in our minds for the types of relationships that we want to be in, and stay away from; same goes for friendships. As time goes on, we slowly drift away from the goal, OR we drift towards someone who we think is “better”, but still falls under the category of a #Random. Don’t be too hard on yourself. We’ve all been there, done that. I myself have probably dated about 2 or 3 of the types that she listed, especially numbers 1 and 2. My heart started pounding as I read them, and sensed that bitter taste of the pain experienced in the past (recent past). Rid yourselves of these kinds of relationships!

I know that it isn’t easy, you’re already emotionally attached to this person and have so much history together; however, it isn’t impossible. The hardest part of walking away is STAYING away. You have to will yourself to not look back; keep pressing forward! Familiarize yourself with the different categories of #Randoms, identify the deal breakers that you have for yourself, and set the proper standards for your next relationship/friendship. By the way, never apologize for having high standards because the people who WANT to be in your life will actually work towards living up to them. Let’s also remember to be realistic though. If your standards are super high, make sure YOU are living up to them as well. Don’t demand any qualities that you do not house. If you’re not making six figures, don’t demand that your friend/partner does. If you don’t have your own car/house/career/etc, please do not demand/expect the other party to. Stop waiting for a hero to come in and save you. No one is perfect, neither are you.

Also, refrain from dating people who have “potential”. Date people whose drive and ambition is actually manifesting. Potential doesn’t cut it anymore. Potential often leads to nothing. The last thing you want to do (10 years from now) is look back at your partner, while shaking your head with resentment in your heart, wondering what went wrong, and thinking “They had so much potential”. God knows I’ve SEEN these situations with my own eyes, and they are beyond sad and disappointing.

So, let’s say NO to #Randoms. If you’re dating someone that you do not see yourself with in the future, do yourself a favor and let it go, QUICKLY. Run! You’re wasting your time, and theirs. Don’t pressure yourself to remain friends with them either. That’s a downfall for many. They “Don’t want to burn any bridges.” Some bridges need to be burned, in order to keep you from going BACK to a place where you shouldn’t have been in the first place! Burn it – here’s a torch. Now, clean out your phone book and message threads, block/Unfriend (because face it, you don’t need to see them all up on your timeline, nor do they need to be messaging you), and do whatever it is that you have to do in order to rid yourself of the randoms. Last but not least, cheers to a better you in 2015!

If you haven’t heard of Heather Lindsey, look her up, NOW! I absolutely LOVE her, and you will too. Check her out on Facebook/YouTube; and follow her on Twitter/Instagram at: @HeatherLLove
Also, check her website and blog out here!
She’s the founder of the Pinky Promise movement, is super amazing, has written several books that will totally wreck you (in a great way), and hosts the Pinky Promise conference every year. This is a very life changing, edifying and empowering event that you wouldn’t want to miss! I went last year and was blown away. Met the most amazing people and will never be the same. Plus I got to meet and speak to Heather, her husband Cornelius (@ThisIsCornelius), and several people on her team. They’re all such wonderful people. Check it out!
If you live in, or plan to visit, Atlanta, GA, you have GOT visit The Gathering Oasis! If not, check them out online, like I do. (It’s 2015, technology is rampid so there’s no excuse. You can feel like you’re there without being there – but being there is sooooo much better!)

(If any of the links in this blog fail to work or redirect properly, let me know and I’ll be happy to edit or forward them to you!)

Love,

Islyndi

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